So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
