Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
