the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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