The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize