Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
