you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
