I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
