I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
