clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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