After last night, I could never be a politician.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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