Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize