He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
