I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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