I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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