Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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