the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
