a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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