my shit smells like andre
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
