Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
