I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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