i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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