allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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