Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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