Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
