I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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