I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
