My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
