yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
do nipples grow back?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
