I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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