if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
