i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
