also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your penis caused this!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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