I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
