You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He shit in the fireplace
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