I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
