I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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