Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
