We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
