talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
