They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
