Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
