im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
