i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
