I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
