i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I believe in your delicious
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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