u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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