how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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