While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
