I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
