And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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