i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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