The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
