And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
