i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
