just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
