You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize