He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
