News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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