finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
