Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
