Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
