There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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