I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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