Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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