Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
