Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
