I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think i got beer on your cat.
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