Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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