Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
