you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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