Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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