Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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