remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
